there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
