I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
