I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
