don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize