He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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