And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
