remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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