Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
