If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
