He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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