I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
