I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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