so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
