Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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