I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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