walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
