clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
