living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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