The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
