Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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