White coat. Heels.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Did I show you my penis last night?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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