In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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