im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
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