I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
