My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
