Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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