I want to stick my p in your. b.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm too high and old for this...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize