You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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