Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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