If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
