Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
