you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
