sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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