There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize