I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
