We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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