That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
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