you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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