Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
