My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
