Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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