Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
