I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
