My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize