every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
