I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
