She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
