She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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