just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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