Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
