I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
