I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
