so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
