Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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