Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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