Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
