Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Randomize
