I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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