Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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