turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
