i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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