so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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