normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
