My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
