You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
