No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
