My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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