I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
