I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
im holly from the hills drunk
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
