failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
